So, today was definitely not a good day for me.
It all started with the pleasant little solo contest in which my participation was required in as a band student. I was actually fairly comfortable with going and playing in front of a judge this time versus how I felt the past two years. Sure, my trumpet solo obviously wasn't perfected, but I was at least confident that I wouldn't let nerves get to me. This isn't, however, how it worked out. First of all, my trumpet was having a really bad tone day and secondly, due to certain circumstances, it somehow happened that I had to play for not only the judge but an added audience of some three or four other band members who were next up to play. Yeah... no.
In a nutshell, I didn't play my best. I was a bit embarrassed about that, sure, but overall when I finished playing I had accepted how it had turned out and that was that. Or so I thought. The judge gave me some feedback and I did my best to focus on him and not look over at my classmates. I exited the room I had performed in. A person waiting outside asked if I was all right. I'm not sure why but it can be assumed that something gave it away.
And after that, I definitely was not all right because I promptly started crying. No signs, no warning, nothing. This was then proceeded by me finding myself incapable to stop crying.
For three periods.
Yeah, so there I was hiding out in the band locker room, practically skipping class because for the life of me I couldn't get a hold of myself. It wasn't like I wanted to cry or that I even felt the need to cry, but I definitely did cry. Every time I thought that I had it under control, someone else would walk in and regardless of whether they acknowledged I was there or whether I knew them on a personal level or not, it would just start up again. I reasoned with myself so many times on why the heck I couldn't just cut it out and get on with my life, but my efforts were in vain.
Luckily, I had some relatively good friends who were helping out with the solo contest (along with some people I didn't know much at all but were genuinely nice people) who did their best to get me out of my... "state". Naturally, I wanted everyone to just disappear because crying during school when you're fourteen isn't something that anyone should or would be particularly proud of especially when it was triggered by something a lot of other people had to do, but I suppose that in the end it was a good thing that they were all there. Sure, maybe it would've helped more if I could communicate better but due to the gaspy sort of cry I was indulging in, talking didn't work the best.
Surprising the strict and often unreasonable band teacher was actually helpful. Due to my unwillingness to rejoin the general population of the school for lunch, she brought me a blueberry muffin and a banana to eat. That period I spent by myself, alone, did the trick. The band locker room was actually well situated for this sort of stuff, offering a sink and a seemingly endless role of paper towels... yep.
But yeah, thankfully I finally felt comfortable enough to go to seventh period science and finish off the day.
Sorry about telling an entirely without message story... actually it SHALL have a message which will be... that... it's perfectly okay to have those emotionally difficult moments where your body goes "screw what your brain is saying, I'm gonna have a break down so ha!" Although, it is definitely preferable for those moments to not happen in public places. Because that just injures your pride. A lot.
So Jae, that probably answers my absence during school today, huh? Sorry I didn't tell you the full story eighth period and stuff, but I was still a bit too unstable to risk going on about it too much at the time.
Anyhow, Q&A time. Yay!
Jae's question to me:
Ancay ouyay eadray isthay?
Opefullyhay ecausebay ouryay estionquay illway ebay asedphray
isthay ayway.
Ifway offeredway away ancechay, ouldway ouyay everway actway
ikelay ethay igpay inway ethay Eicogay ommercialscay?
Yes, I can read that. It was quite fun to decode, actually. :D
Aaand to answer the next question... yeah, I probably would because shoot, it seems fun... Ooh, make that a bucket list idea?
As for my question to whoever posts next:
If you only had an unlimited supply of one material on a deserted island, what would that one material be?
Oh, and upon reading Jae's last blog post, I'll supply some links, I suppose... Dramatic One-Act Play of Rebecca Black's "Friday" and Life of Ke$ha.
And that's all folks!
~Jovi
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